Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Fuck rain

I can't remember the last time it rain that hard.

All I wanted to do was walk back to my dorm and relax. Maybe read a book. Maybe watch TV. Maybe nap.

But when I walked outside in my cargo shorts, white tee, sandals and ballcap I wasn't ready for the thunderstorm turning streets into rivers.

Dismayed and more than slightly pissed, I smoked my last cigarette before running across the street to seek shelter in a small sandwich shop.

It's a twenty-minute walk to my dorm on the other side of campus. The last thing I wanted to was arrive a walking mop. "Fuck rain" I said in my head over and over.

So, determined to wait out the storm, I ordered an Italian on wheat sub and read a few pages in my newest book.

All I wanted to do was be back in my dorm and relax. Some people I knew from work were making the trek anyway, but I was determined to wait it out.

Fifteen minutes later my resolve had diluted and I had given up hope of waiting it out. Defeated and deflated, I began the walk.

At first it was unbearable. The rain was cold and soaked me within the first few blocks. I was no longer angry. I had deteriorated into depressed.

Then something funny happened. The rain was no longer cold. I no longer cared about getting wet. There's comes a point when you're so drenched you can't get any wetter.

There comes a point when you stop asking why it's raining.

Sometimes the sun shines brightest when it rains.

Much like anything else in life, there comes a point when you begin to accept the things that happen to you, whether it be rain, death or losing your best friend.

Eventually you stop hating it for what it is and accept it. Only then can you find the beauty in it.

I began to love the walk. I jumped in puddles and stared to the heavens as rain refreshingly splashed upon my face. I felt like a kid again, playing in my backyard. On the horizon I saw the sun peaking through the clouds. A promise of things to come.

It's easy to get down about the things that happen to you, like the rain ruining your evening. But when you accept it and embrace it, you can find happiness in even the worst of times.

And sometimes it's hard to look to the horizon when you hate everything around you. It's easy to stare at the ground and wish you were somewhere or someone else.

Sometimes the sun shines brightest when it rains. It's just harder to notice. Sometimes the greatest moment of hope comes in the most trying times for our souls.

It's easy to say that now, I know. Months after my life fell apart it's easy to look back and say that I should have looked to the horizon. Trust me, I know.

But life teaches us lessons every day, even many months after the fact. Embrace change, even when it destroys everything you used to love or had planned.

That walk was the best I've ever had once I stopped hating the rain. And only once I stop hating the things that brought me here will I love this walk too.

Sometimes the sun shines brightest when it rains.