Thursday, July 30, 2009

Update Shmupdate

Summer has been excellent. However, I've never been more ready for school to start. This might be the only time in my life I can remember wishing that summer was over.

And that's not to say that this has been a bad few months. Instead, they have been the opposite. I've had a blast this summer. Met a lot of cool people here in the city. Had a great internship. Slept a lot. I mean, like a whole lot. No complaints, truly.

I've just never been so geared up to get back into the grind, even though I know this means going to classes five days a week and working six. Plus there's finding a job for next summer.

But I can feel that this is going to be the best year of my life. What's changed is not so much what I will have to do, but how I live my life.

I am in the middle of a life reconstruction. I tore down myself only to rebuild me. My life is much different than it used to be. And while I'm not nearly done with this yet, I can feel the fruits of my work paying off.

This energizes me to continue this process, which I'm sure I will be able to do regardless of what's going on in my life this fall.

The reason why has to do with the person I've become and how I live now. My quarter-life crisis forced me to re-examine my priorities and what came out of that is nothing more than a life-transformation.

At this point, I'm babbling, and surely no one really cares this much about me. But I just want everyone to know that if you invest the time and energy you need to find yourself you life will turn out better.

I'm not saying I've found out who I am. But I am a better person (and happier) than I was at this point last year.

I care so much less about what I do for a living. I don't have much concern for how much money I make. I am not pressuring myself to get a stellar internship next summer. I am not afraid of fucking up. I have more friends that I truly care about. I have more people in my life that are important to me.

While I'm not back all the way, I'm on my way.

Progress happens so slowly and so unnoticeably that it can be disheartening at times. But I've felt the results of all this soul-searching lately. And let me tell you, it feels good.

Most importantly, I'm happy. Maybe happier than I've ever been. Ever.

And I know that I'm still thinking, still questioning, still looking.

I guess you could say I've learned the secret to life. You know that age-old question we ponder since birth? Well, I know it now.

And that's why this year is going to be the best of my life.

Sunday, July 12, 2009

My apologies

Yeah, I know... it's been a while.

Sorry about all that. My computer died (the coroner ruled it a suicide) so the Internet thing has been a little iffy.

Updates (for whoever cares):

I'm halfway through my internship. All's going well. Minus firings, but hey what can you do. Such is the biz right now.

Been chilling up in Indy. Met some cool people lately. Starting to really get into this city.

Been playing a lot of guitar. Like a lot, seriously. Anywhere from 1-4 hours a day. Every day. I've never loved it so much, which feels nice to say. I'm realizing that making music, even if it goes nowhere past my bedroom, is the most calming and stabilizing thing I can do in my life. I love it. I hope I never stop making music.

Also, I've realized that who you are is more than just what you do. No one is defined by their job, title or salary. Each of us is complex beyond anyone's ability to understand. In fact, no one is defined by any one thing, at least not inside of themself.

In the past month or so I've been questioning who I am a lot. But not in a bad way. In a self-exploration sort of way. I want to keep this going. I never want to stop asking questions. I never want to be satisfied knowing enough about this crazy world we live in.

In some ways I'm just as lost as I ever was. I think the only thing that's changed is that I've accepted that I'm lost. Being lost only sucks when you want to know where you are. Once we accept that we may never know, life becomes a lot easier to deal with. Downright enjoyable, even.

I can't wait to get back down to B-town for the school year. August here I come! This is going to be the best year of my life. That might seem odd to say as I'm still trying to finish up year #20, but I feel like #21 is going to be one to remember.

I can just tell that this is going to be the best year of my life. And, no, I'm not just saying that. I believe it with all my soul. I'm not sure why, exactly, I think it will be. I just do. Odd, huh? I guess that while there's not a lot I can control, I can control a few things: First, I can work well make some progress in school. Second, I can spend a lot of times with people I care about. Third, I will do something for myself every day. Doing that, I don't think anything can throw me off my game this time.

A friend recently said that he's never been happier than he is right now. I thought about how I've been much happier previously in my life than the last few months. I guess my mindset is nothing more than a way to ensure year #21 will be the best.

At this point I'm rambling (per usual, I suppose). I feel like I have a lot more to day, I just don't know what that is right now.

I will try to post some song lyrics soon. I've written 4 (maybe 5sh) songs this summer I dig. I'll try to get them up once I get them looking semi-respectable.

Today's nugget of inspiration:
Anything worth doing is easier to say than do.
Anything worth having done is better to have done than said.

Until later, keep your chins up, kiddos. And be sure to drink plenty of milk.