Sunday, February 28, 2010

fair warning

One day I will be gone.

By then it will be too late.

You might never see me again. That's not a threat, more like a warning.

We don't operate our lives on the same rules. This is neither good nor bad - simply an observation.

What you want from life is not the same as what I want. The rules you play by and the rules I play by are different.

What keeps me up at the end of the night is much different than what you think about. What I want, need and desire is different, too.

You can only carry around the expectations of others so long. At some point we must all strike a path completely ours - undiluted by outside forces.

The decisions I make in my life will undoubtedly confuse you. That's ok. They're supposed to. I make them for me. I hope, too, that your decisions confuse other people, for your sake.

We are not meant to live according to what we think everyone expects from us. We are not meant to be the sum of all that surrounds us. We deserve better from ourselves.

I can only play by your rules so much longer before I abandon them for my own. Soon my time here will be done. And the days I've got left need to be lived on my terms, not yours.

And when it does happen, just remember that I gave you fair warning.

Sunday, January 3, 2010

Oh, Canada

The only part as satisfying as first leaving on a long trip is first returning.

A week ago I had never been out of the country. Now I feel like Montreal is where I will end up one day, if only indefintely.

There's not really any way I can explain how I feel during a good road trip. So I won't try.

People love to ask why I went. Not sure why I need a reason. Road trips are always less about where you go than where you go along the way. Put another way, it's the journey not the destination.

It's also about accepting that you have no idea what will happen. About freeing yourself from certainity and letting the trip unfold as it does and just learning to accept and love every second.

The uncertainity doesn't confine you, it frees you.

Enables you to write off the shitty things that happen. Allows you to be surprised, good or bad.

These days, being surprised is more than most of us can ask for. When most of our days are for-gone conclusions we write off before they start, not knowing where you'll sleep at the end of the night or what city you'll be in is a freeing feeling indeed.

It's a nice reminder of what's out there. What's possible. What's not.

It's nice to turn your cellphone off for a week without hesitation. To put on your favorite cd and yell out your window for hours. To see sites you've never seen and meet people you couldn't have predicted.

Every road trip I ever go on teaches me something about myself. Too early to know what this one means, but New Year's Eve 2010 is one I'll never forget.

And in a world when too many of our days are hardly memorable, that's enough for me.

Happy New Year's. Or as they say in Canada, Happy New Year's.