Sunday, May 31, 2009


This was originally written on November 22, 2008 at 7:24pm on Facebook.

It’s funny how fast things can change.

Last week I bought her gifts for her 20th Birthday. She grew up a huge IU basketball fan, so I took her to the opening game of the regular season. I’ll never forget it. I spent the next week thinking of what I should get her for X-Mas and our 2-year anniversary, which is just like 6 weeks away on January 1st. We always said we were going to get married on a beach somewhere on Jan. 1.

I think the best 100 memories of my life all involve her. I remember when we first met at Seth’s house. How we tried to keep it a secret. We would sneak out to our cars and pretend like nothing was happening. At school we acted like the other didn’t exist.

I remember getting up early and watching the sun come up at G-town park our senior year of high school. We would sit there in one of our crappy Toyotas, just talking before we drove to school. We’d do this at night too and would always get kicked out by the cops.

One night we went to the park by her house and sat there listening to music. We found a half-empty wine bottle in the back seat and just sat there talking, listening and drinking. She understood me like no one I’ve ever met. From the first time we started talking, she just got me. We just seemed to click. We were perfect then.

The first valentine’s day we ever spent together we skipped school so I could take her ice skating. On the way there I was driving on I-64 when I ran over a pipe in the middle of the road that took out two of my tires. We never made it to the rink. We spent our first Valentine’s Day in my mom’s PT Cruiser waiting for AAA to come and tow the car away. But she didn’t care. She never cared about that kind of stuff. She always made me feel like everything was perfect. This is the same year she made me a heart-shaped cake.

I remember the day I told her I was going to IU. She was so excited. I told her I would be going there regardless of whether she was or not. I never told her this, but that was a lie. I probably would have ended up at Missouri or Texas instead. I chose to go to IU because of her. At the time I couldn’t imagine not being with her. I knew that I would hate any place that wasn’t where she is.

She is my best friend. I can tell her everything and she gets me like no one else. I will never love someone else like I love her. No one. And I don’t want to be with anyone but her.
That’s why this hurts so much. I can handle losing my girlfriend, but I can’t handle losing my best friend.

I never thought I could love like this. I never thought something like this was possible. Now it feels like my heart is gone. I can’t do anything without thinking of her and what we had.
I know her better than I know myself sometimes. Last summer she bought me Dylan tickets as a surprise for my birthday. But I called what she got me weeks before the concert. I can tell when she’s mad, sad or upset. I can tell when what she wants and what she says are two completely different things.

I remember playing the SIMS at my house, sitting in my basement until 4 a.m. We made a future family of us. We had a house and three kids: Dylan, Isabelle, and Izekuel. We would sit there for hours playing that stupid game, making sure we got promotions and taught the dumb dog skills.

I remember the good and the bad. The happy times and the fights. But no matter what she was there for me. She’s been the strongest thing in my life for almost two years, and now I feel like I’m in a freefall.

I remember going to her house every day after school senior year. We’d cherish the time until her mom came home from work. We’d sit in her small room, listening to music or playing guitar.

I remember the 4 a.m. grilled cheese sandwiches. And when we bought stuff for our apartment. We were so excited to live together.

I’ve loved her more than I thought was ever possible. I know a lot of people say that, but I really thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with her. Now I feel incomplete, and it seems like I may never be able to be happy again.

We always said that no one was perfect, but two people can be perfect for each other. I thought that was us, but now I don’t know.

Things may never be the same again, and that’s what scares me the most.

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