Saturday, February 21, 2009

Fuck my life

Maybe I'll be a monk.

Right now that sounds pretty good. Girls and relationships just seem like another way to cause yourself pain. Even if you find the right person there's no guarantee you won't get fucked over.

Sometimes I'm afraid that no one else will ever have feelings for me like she did.

Today marks three months that I've been single. In this time no one has expressed even remote interest in me.

I'm certainly not looking for love, but a dinner and a movie would be nice. Anything really that showed me a little sign of hope. Instead I feel like no one will ever look at me the way she did. Sometimes at night I get scared that no one will ever have the feelings towards me that she did.

I want to get back out there but I don't know how. I think I'm incapable of starting a relationship with anyone. I'm realizing that no one wants to be in a relationship with me.

I don't think that I'm not a catch. I think I have a lot to offer. I just don't think other people think I do.

I hope one day someone likes me for who I am and wants to be with me. I also hope that when this day comes I'm not so jaded by love to fuck it up.

Sometimes fucking things up seems to be what I do best.

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