Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Gives you hell

I feel like I just got hit by a truck.

That's about the only way I know how to describe it. I was just minding my own business walking to class thinking about how great the weather was. I was in a hurry because as usual I overslept and woke up 15 minutes before class.

While I was walking I just happened to look up, and what did I see?



There they were. Walking and smiling. Almost immediately my heart jumped out of my throat and started pounding in my ears as I walked by them, while I pretended not to see or care.

Despite living near him and having a class with her, I've actually done really well not having to see or think about them much. Maybe that's why I've been so mellow about the whole thing lately.

Now the lyrics to that All American Rejects song are running through my head: "When you see my face I hope it gives you hell, hope it gives you hell. When you walk my way I hope it gives you hell, hope it gives you hell."

Those words pretty much sum up how I feel whenever I see one of them. I hope they feel like shit. They should. Not just for what they did, but she should for how she ran from her problems. I've realized that there are two types of people in this world: those that run away when things get tough and those that stay and face them.

When things got bad between us her answer was the easy one, but not the one I deserved or needed. That's why I am confident that I will find closure in the situation before she ever will. Because she ran away. And it's not until she stops running and is willing to face everything she did that she can move on.

Maybe I'm wrong about this, but I doubt it. I know her too well to be off on this.

But me? I'm making progress every day. Sure, I know I haven't spoken to either one of them this year and it's almost March. And I don't really see a lot of my old friends from last semester, but that's their decision, not mine. Point is - I'm moving on. It's not easy and it's not quick, but one day I will be able to see them laughing together on campus without any sort of visceral response whatsoever.

Until then, when she sees my face I hope it gives her hell.

Gives her hell.

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