Thursday, March 19, 2009

One piece at a time

I saw her mom last week.

It's the first time I've seen her in about four months and the first time I've said a word to her since we broke up.

I think she was as surprised to see me as I was that I actually went.

On the way there I was freaking out. I talked myself in and out of doing it the whole way. As I got close to her house I slowed down. I couldn't bring myself to drive down her street. Then I gunned it and sped past.

I turned around and just turned into her driveway, trying not to think about what I was doing.

I'm glad I went. It was good for me. After two years it's hard to just forget about everything, although I tried my best for a long time. It was good to see her and know that she's doing okay.

I think about them a lot. It's impossible not to. The hardest part of the holidays was not seeing her family but rather having to sit at my house with mine. One of the things I liked best about being with her was her family. They accepted me from the beginning and I always felt welcomed.

When you grow up in a house of four with all your relatives hundreds of miles away it's nice to feel that sense of family. It was something I'd never known before. And it's good to know that they're all doing fine.

My close friends know how much I love a good analogy and one I thought of lately seemed especially apt.

It's like I was doing a puzzle and I was nearly complete when someone came and took it away. Instead they handed me a completely new one that I didn't know what to do with.

They didn't even hand me a box, just a lot of random pieces. At first I didn't know what I was even supposed to be making. I just sifted through the pieces overwhelmed and lost.

Then I found an edge. Then another. Then I found the box. And now I have at least a general idea of what I'm supposed to be making.

And slowly I began to make the outline and get all the edges done. Now I'm working on the center, slowly working my way inside one piece at a time. It's not an easy process, but it's doable.

I feel like seeing her mom again was me putting one more piece down in the puzzle. Granted, there are a lot of pieces left, but it's nice to know I'm making progress.

Even if it is just one piece at a time.

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