Monday, March 30, 2009

I wonder ...

So here's a little poem I've been working on for a while. It's not complete and I'm not really satisfied with where it's at, but I figured I'd go ahead and post it up here. If you like it, great. If not, I really couldn't care less.
_ _ _ _ _

I don't know if I ever stopped thinking about her
Or if I just pushed her farther back into my mind
I can’t decide if I will ever forgive her
Or if I will ever be whole again
I feel like I haven’t been myself since she left
Like I’m a stranger
I look into the mirror
And I don’t know who stares back
The life I used to live
And the person I used to be
Seem more like a movie I was watching
Than a life I was living

She took part of me with her
A part I’m not sure I will get back
I do my best to forget
But you can only hide from yourself so long
Before you begin to lose yourself too
And you can only pretend so long
Before you must tell yourself the truth
And you can only run so far
Before you must face what you’re running from
And you can only avoid looking in the mirror so long
Before you forget what you look like

And so I think about her
I replay every second that became two years
I relive every moment in slow motion
And I wonder if I ever cross her mind
If she still loves me
If she ever misses me
If she ever talks about me
But mostly I wonder
If she thinks about me
As much as I think about her

Because I miss her
And not an hour goes by
That she doesn't cross my mind
Not a day passes that I don’t wish
At least for a second
That I can travel through time
And watch her fall asleep once more
Or have just another day in our apartment
Or have one last kiss
But now I spend my nights alone
Wondering if she thinks about me
As much as I think about her

And I wonder what’s she’s doing
How she’s feeling
I wonder about her mom
Her dad, her friends, her brother
I think about her aunts
And her grandmother
And her cats
But mostly I think about her
And I wonder if she thinks about me
As much as I think about her

I hope she does
I hope she remembers what we had
I hope she hasn’t forgotten everything we used to be
Or everything she meant to me
How I used to hold her
Or tickle her knees
How I was always there when she needed me
And even when she didn’t
I hope she’ll never forget
Our love
Because I won’t

Because I remember:
I never felt as alive
As when I looked into her eyes
As when she said “I love you”
Or when I fell asleep by her side
My heart never beat faster
Than when I saw her face
Or when she played our song
I was never happier
Than when I did nothing with her
Or when I saw my reflection in her eyes
Or when she said she loved me

Sometimes the loneliness is unbearable
I cry myself to sleep once a week
If I’m lucky
I don’t sleep because I don’t want to dream about her
So I stay up
And she fills my thoughts
I try to imagine what she’s doing
How she’s feeling
What she’s thinking
How she’s sleeping
If she’s missing
Any part of me
Any of what we used to have
Any of what we used to be
So I cry myself to sleep
Once a week
If I'm lucky

I wonder if anyone will see in me
What she saw
If anyone will feel for me
What she felt
If anyone will say to me
What she said
If anyone will hold me
The way she did
If anyone will love me
Like she did
I wonder if I will find in another
What I had with her
If I will ever be as happy
As I was in her arms
But mostly I wonder
If she thinks about me
As much as I think about her

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